Saturday, September 20, 2014

Where in the world is zombie killer Carmen Sandiego?

Now that “The Walking Dead” is about to go international, we’d like to throw out a couple of early suggestions for places the zombies might want to settle in.
Hey, walkers! There’s a big wide wonderful world out there!
For those who missed it because they were too busy studying for the start of the new “Walking Dead” season on Oct. 12, AMC has officially commissioned a pilot for a “companion” show.
Same zombie apocalypse, just different desperate survivors in a different part of the world.
This could be the best TV decision anyone makes this year.
Yes, it’s even smarter than canceling “X Factor,” firing Jenny McCarthy from “The View” and letting Jesse Pinkman drive away free at the end of “Breaking Bad.”
What’s happening, essentially, is that AMC is doing with “The Walking Dead” what broadcast networks have done successfully for years with shows like “Law & Order,” “CSI” and “NCIS.”
AMC has promoted it from “a show” to “a franchise.”
You know, like Taco Bell or Starbucks.
Countries all over the world can now bid for their own “Walking Dead,” the way they bid for the Olympic Games — and we just happen to have five potential “companion” spots we’d like to toss into the mix.Would you like extra whipped cream with that walker, sir?
1. “TWD: Stanistan.” Zombies show up in a mythical Middle Eastern country. The natives, after measuring zombie human rights policies against the human rights policies they are currently living under, vote to install the undead as their new government.
2. “TWD: Aruba.” Zombies wash up on the shores of this resort island and immediately eat a foursome on the 17th hole of the nearest oceanside golf course. But soon the culture of total relaxation infects the zombies and overrides their need for human flesh. The zombies take up golf and hold a benefit for the families of the foursome they ate.
3. “TWD: Area 51.” Zombies invade the secret government research site in Nevada. At the end of the second season, conspiracy theorists vote the zombies out of Area 51, saying they aren’t weird enough to be there.
4. “TWD: Westeros.” All the characters who have been killed off on “Game of Thrones” return as zombies, and even though they agree to work for scale, the producers get the bill for the first payroll and file for bankruptcy. Peter Dinklage has to hitch a ride back to America in a rowboat.
5. “TWD: Antarctica.” The march of the penguins meets the lurch of the zombies and a long-hidden secret is exposed: Some of the penguins are zombies. When the news breaks on Buzzfeed, the zombie penguins are flown to Fashion Week at Lincoln Center, were penguin zombie tuxedos become the hot look for spring. The penguin zombies abandon the idea of eating the runway models when the realize they don’t have any flesh on their bones.

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