Zombob's Zombie News and Reviews

5 Ways Your Dog Could Help You Survive The Impending Zombie Apocalypse

With face eating running rampant these days (here and here) the zombie apocalypse is on the forefront of many people’s minds, and actually being discussed somewhat regularly in main stream media. Folks everywhere find themselves wondering how they would defend against a rabid, all hopped up on bath salts, face eating zombie...at least I don’t think it’s just me who has these thoughts???

Anyways, I came up with a couple different things you could train your dog in order to help you survive the impending I Am Legend style doomsday we may or may not be facing.

What's That You Smell Fido?

I personally love the look in someone’s eyes when they are truly surprised. In fact as a child I’d spend 20 minutes waiting in the coat closet for my mom to come inside so I could jump out and see if it’s actually possible to scare someone to death. It usually meant dodging a right hook but always seemed worth it. (Sorry Mom)

However, no one wants to be surprised or snuck up on by someone who means you harm or would like to devour your brain like creamy tapioca pudding. You could easily train your dog to smell a zombie and alert from quite a distance. My guess is that eau de toilette of rotting flesh has a certain pungent quality that might be rather noticeable even for the human nose not to mention a dogs nose which is way more acute than our own.

Teaching them to alert when they first get a whiff of this could give you a good head start and leave you with plenty of time to load your gun or get out of dodge!

Arming Your Dog To The Teeth...(Pun Intended)

This may seem a little far-fetched and I admit that’s because it is. However, even if you’re not Tony Stark and don’t have a state of the art lab where you could construct a back mounted, remote controlled, flame thrower (with matching helmet, safety first!) you still have some options.

Attack dog training or sometimes referred to as Schutzhund might be a good option for you. Dogs have often been used in wars for a variety of different duties including as weapons and protection. With their sharp teeth, quickness, agility, and heightened instincts it’s quite possible that Rover might be much more capable of going up against a member of the undead and coming out of the battle as equally alive as when he went in than you. If your fido is more a lover than a fighter skip this one and move to the next.

Off To The Races

Everyone knows (or at least SHOULD know) there are several types of zombies, and that knowing which type of zombie you’re up against could mean the difference between life and un-death for you Jack.

Consider this scenario. You’re strolling through post-apocalyptic down town searching for supplies when you see him in the distance. It only takes a minute for him to notice you as well and we’re off to the races. As luck wouldn’t have it he’s a fast mover and since you’ve done your zombie homework you know even if you shoot him you’re still gonna have to make a run for it.

You catch a break though and as he starts off after you his rotting left arm falls off his body just as properly cooked ribs are pulled from the bone. Thankfully you’ve taught your dog the retrieve and before your zombie friend can fetch his own arm your dog has it and much like my old Pomeranian with a pair of my wife’s undies is off like a rocket.

You round a corner and slide behind a pile of boxes and watch as our un-dead friend continues in hot pursuit of your dog. 5 minutes later your dog comes back having ditched the zombie and ready to continue looking for that 3 year old can of Dinty Morre® beef stew that will be dinner tonight.

Go Take A Peek Boy

Being a Marine it’s by nature I consider myself a fairly capable warrior. All of the ooh rahs and brain washing training leads us to believe we’re somewhat invincible but let’s face it, killing zombies all day every day would probably get old. (Not to mention tiring)

It might be nice once in a while to be able to avoid the fight instead of running towards it. This is where having a dog that’s a capable scout would probably come in really handy. I could stay in cover while my much quieter and more covert dog could take a look around the corner to make sure it’s safe to continue or let me know we’re heading into harm’s way without ever being detected.

Man’s Best Friend Is Now Man’s Only Friend

It’s the end of the world and you know it and you don’t feel fine dammit. You feel lonely because everyone that you liked and loved is now an un-dead, brain munching, zombie. Lets look at the silver lining though...you still have your dog though and to be honest sometimes the company of our favorite four legged friend is better than human interaction any ways.

So there are several ways that dogs could help you survive the impending zombie apocalypse. Now it’s time to go home and start preparing your dog with some solid dog training techniques that will not fail even when he’s being chased by a pack of hungry un-dead.

~zombieseverywhere.org