Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Ten Best Ways to Kill a Zombie

The undead are notoriously difficult to kill, the base reason being because they are already dead. In order to kill a zombie, then, you'll need to do some extensive damage to the thing that's keeping them alive. That thing is the brain. There are multiple ways to kill zombies, of course, and you can be as creative as you like, but I'm going to list the best and most creative ways to kill zombies.
Remember that each of these methods requires that you destroy the brain, so make sure you focus most of your energy on the head. Destroying the other organs of a zombie will do absolutely nothing - it'll just direct its attention more toward you.
10. Crow bar to the skull. The crow bar is a great weapon for use against zombies due to its versatility and strength. The odds of a crow bar bending or breaking on a zombie's head are slim to none, making it a great weapon to kill them with. I recommend using two hands to swing this weapon, but you can make due with one if the zombie is being especially ferocious and has to be held back while you clobber its head in.
9. Drop an Egyptian obelisk on them. This is somewhat difficult to do, but will yield great results and will also be a lot of fun. You set up a trap and get several zombies to follow you through a corridor where you have an obelisk set to fall if a wire is tripped. The zombies, being brain dead as they are, won't avoid the wire and will cause the 10-ton stone to fall on top of them. While this isn't a direct attack on their head, it almost guarantees that their brain will be destroyed. Plus, it's a great way to brag to your friends, "Hey Joe, I killed a zombie with an obelisk this weekend. What did YOU do?"
8. Light the zombie on fire. This is a sometimes underutilized zombie killing method. This is because a lot of people don't think that lighting a zombie on fire is enough to destroy the brain. That idea, however, is false. If you cover a zombie in gasoline and light it on fire, the heat will be enough to liquefy the brain and cause the zombie to die. The goal is to get a good amount of gasoline on the torso or head of the zombie so you can be sure a lot of the heat and reaction is focused there.
7. Smash its head in a convection oven while it's on. This is a fun way to kill a zombie, although it's usually not the most effective. You can slam its head in a convection oven over and over again until it stops moving. Be careful, though, because some ovens might break before the zombie does, especially if you're hitting the neck instead of the skull. The inability to close will place a lot of stress on the oven door joints and may cause it to snap. If this happens, just use the door to bash the zombie. This is best used on partially disabled zombies.
6. Run it over with a car. This is one of my favorite ways to kill zombies, but the key is to not go too fast. If you hit a zombie at over 40 mph, you run the chance of totaling your car or severely injuring yourself. Since zombies generally move slow, you'll want to hit one at 10-20 mph. This will ensure that the zombie goes under the car instead of over and will limit the damage done to the vehicle and yourself.
5. .308 Winchester to the head. If you hit a zombie with this round, it'll split its skull in two. That's exactly what you're looking for. Remember, though, that rifles are most effective at long-to-medium distances, although I only recommend the latter if you're in a safe position. Zombie's make great target practice and you can play some fun games while killing them with guns. Just make sure that you don't run out of ammo. In a zombie apocalypse, guns are more useful in warding off human raiders than they are in killing zombies.
4. Chain saw. This is probably my favorite way to kill zombies, but I don't recommend it for rookies. The chain saw is a dangerous weapon that can have a serious kick back that could end up killing you. Not only that, but it's unwieldy and difficult to move, meaning that if the zombie manages to get past the blade, you'll end up dead. With that in mind, it is definitely the most glorious way to dispatch the dead. It creates a huge mess and will attract more zombies to come attack you so that the fun never ends. Just make sure you have a back up weapon or somewhere to retreat to if things go sour.
3. Starve the zombies out. A lot of people don't understand that zombies will continue rotting indefinitely. If you can survive a good 4-5 years into the apocalypse, then you'll live in an almost zombie-free world. Once the zombies infect more than 50% of the population, they'll have a hard time finding more people to kill and infect. Because of this, their numbers will stabilize for a couple of years and then begin to fall. A zombie only has a life span of 2-3 years, after which point they will be too corroded to be any threat.
2. Trap the zombie in a pit of concrete. This actually won't kill the zombie, but it's a good game to play with your friends. You'll need a pit of concrete with a depth of about 6 or 7 feet. You'll then coax a zombie or two toward the pit and let it fall into it. It'll sink in and won't be able to get out. The concrete will harden around the zombie, effectively trapping it in place. You can then play all sorts of fun games, like zombie poker or zombie golf.
1. Put the zombie through a wood chipper. This is one of the most brutal zombie kills that you can do and will be great fun. I recommend getting a friend to help you with this because you'll need to literally feed the zombie into the wood chipper. What you'll do is incapacitate it and then lift it up and put it through the wood chipper feet first. There's not much else to be said about this method other than that it's awesome.


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