Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Survival tips for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse

With the fifth season of The Walking Dead in full swing and showing us just how hard a situation like this might be to live through, it may be a good idea to outline some of the better plans amidst the abundance of ideas and methods for surviving the end of the world. Here are a few tips I have compiled from various sources to help with this process.
Disclaimer: It’s important to note that neither I, or The Argus, think the Zombie Apocalypse is coming. This article is purely for purposes of entertainment and in the event of a real zombie apocalypse I strongly suggest the fetal position, crying to yourself, and begging to be woken up from this terrible nightmare…  I know that’s what I will be doing.
Arm yourself. Your biggest threat during the zombie apocalypse is, (spoiler), the zombies. Any person hoping to survive will need a way to defend themselves in the event of an attack. Every great zombie slayer has and perfects their own signature weapon: Daryl has his crossbow, Michonne her katana, and Rick has his incredibly-shiny-for-being-half-way-through-the-fifth-season Colt Python. Crowbars, baseball bats, blowtorches… What will your weapon be?
Hydration. Zombies may be the most mobile and frightening threat, but lack of water is just as deadly. With taps and convenience stores being annoyingly unusable in terms of collecting water, you might need to get creative. You can try digging a well, you could drink out of a river and hope you don’t get beaver fever (note: save aqua tabs in even of apocalypse), or you can make a rain catch. There are also useful web tutorials for makeshift boiling and sanitizing. Water is essential. Everyone must find a way to keep hydrated as best they can, or you might as well just wait for the zombies.
Shelter and Food. Shelter against both the undead and the elements will be incredibly key to any survival, and there are many options for where you can find appropriate shelter. Finding an area of low-population might be a good choice; with less people there are fewer zombies. Moving north is a sound option if you can find a reliable food source and manage to keep warm (a tough enough task even with a working furnace). In all likelihood, grocery stores won’t be open during the apocalypse, and even if they are the hours will probably be unpredictable at best. When searching out shelter, keep your eyes open to scavenge for food.
Find some friends. Have you heard the phrase ‘safety in numbers’? It’s going doubly true during a zombie uprising. Find people you can trust, preferably ones that have complementary skills. Think of your ideal party in an RPG; you should aim to find someone with medical skills, a good hunter, someone who knows about plants, a builder, a mechanic, and anyone else that may be useful to your group. It also never hurts to have people around who can make you laugh, or who can chronicle the disaster for the next generation. In fact, some sort of literary soft-skill might be useful, like, oh, say, a writer or journalist of some sort…
If you really want to plan for a zombie apocalypse (or any other regular old apocalyptic end-of-times disaster) I suggest reading some books, watching some movies, and being smart about it. There is an absurd volume of information about survivalism and emergency preparations. You shouldn’t have any trouble educating yourself on the topic. Who knows – you may be the only one prepared for a major disaster, and thus be in the position of rescuing and sheltering your loved ones and creating a kick ass collective of rugged refugees. Or, if you’re like me and prefer fictional proxy thrills, maybe just settle for watching this season of The Walking Dead. So far, it’s pretty good.

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